Not Here by Accident (Journal excerpts from 5/28 – 5/31)

[It is nuts to start reading through my journaling and see just how much I have grown since the beginning of my time there ]

WARNING: The pictures don’t all match what is being written about . . . I just wanted to make this prettier to look at.

I forget how much I truly love Africa until I am breathing the air and hear the sounds.  While sitting in the airport, I found myself thinking that I felt so distant from God and that that was a terrible place to be.  Maybe I shouldn’t have come?  Then I realized that that was THE BEST place to be.  It simply means that I can only get closer . . .

THERE ARE SO MANY OF US!  Mmm so 270 of us plus 230 bible school students . . . Not sure where they are going to put us all but I know it will definitely be stretching.  13 girls in one house. . . nuts!  I share a small room with 5 other girls.

I AM SO NOT A BIG GROUP KIND OF PERSON.  Oh Jesus, give me boldness [It is funny that I prayed this . . . I completely forgot about it until reading through my journal just now . . . not 2 weeks before going home, some one prophesied over me to step out in even more boldness than I had been]

I keep struggling with the thought of how I would rather be in Uganda.  I have to remember that I am not here by accident.  God, You brought me here for a reason, even though I truly do not know why.

I am so not used to being around so many people who are so . . . um . . . giddy in joy towards anything and everything related to Jesus and the Holy Spirit.  Which mind you, it is a good thing . . . just not what I am used to.  I kind of like it.  I want to love God so much that just the thought of hanging out with Him is better than Christmas.  What is wrong with me that I am not so completely and totally in love with You?  I think that is just it – I am not completely and totally in love with You.  That is what I want.

I am officially a part of the medical team now – that is awesome.  Pretty much just means once a week or so I will be on call in cause one of the students is sick.

I discovered why I am so uncomfortable with being here . . . The Power of the Holy Spirit kind of scares me.  I want to be broken of that fear.

Oh a side note . . . it is SOOO beautiful here!  I love it for sure!

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1 Response to Not Here by Accident (Journal excerpts from 5/28 – 5/31)

  1. Sharon says:

    Hey, thanks for putting exerts from your journalling. I’m preparing to go to bible college here in the UK in a few weeks time and am experiencing some of the same feelings as you- not feeling all that close to God and am I really suitable to be going- but that is why it’s good that I’m going. Sounds like you had a great journey in lots of different ways. I look forward to reading it and sharing in your journey.

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